The Emergent Prophet at Sodom and Gomorrah

Daily Blog 01: 7:12 am.

Emergent Prophet here. I will be blogging today from the Gay Pride Festival at Sodom and Gomorrah. I know, you are asking yourself, where in the round world has the Wanderer been all these months? After all, it has been a long time since I wrote to you all from the “Event” at Mount Carmel (notice, I didn’t say “Caramel” this time – I am a learner, I am a learner!).

Anyway, I have been so busy, you don’t even know. After Mt. Carmel, I decided that I needed to take a little time to get away from it all, to kind of re-discover myself. After all, I had never really taken the time to examine my old values and beliefs, you know, the ones that were handed down to me by my parents and from the old days of Vacation Torah School, my old Jewish High School, and then of course, Torah College. I had just accepted these traditional teachings and values as my own without really examining them in light of contemporary societal norms and standards. So, now I have done that, and I have re-emerged as a better person. Gone are the days of believing in black and white, right and wrong, sin and judgment, no…that is not me. I am an Emergent Prophet! I thoroughly embrace the Emergent teachings and values. I am my own man. I am independent.

At least that was the mantra that we chanted at the Emergent Prophet’s conference that I attended on the Med coast. There were about 700 or so other independent emergent prophets there (which is a lot considering how much they charge for this “ministry” conference), we have formed a loose knit network of like-minded emergent prophets and we subscribe to a set standard of beliefs (one of them being that you can basically believe anything that you want and still be a part of our network – as long as you are not a fundamentalist, mind you), we receive a monthly newsletter, we pay our dues, and we blog regularly and receive daily emails from our great Emergent Prophet leader – but other than that, I am a free thinker and a free man!

So, in accordance with our general principles, I have started my own fellowship in town. I just picked a town where I thought that there would be a lot of unbelievers (who cares if there were already dozens of synagogues there, they are obviously not enlightened enough to do the job) and was sure to check the local library to be sure that the residents all had lots of money for tithing to the fellowship (even a prophet has got to live, right?), and I started a group meeting at the local pub. We call it Torah and Toddies. We get together with the locals and discuss current issues - sometimes we even use the Torah -then, before we all get too drunk I invite them to come to my fellowship on Saturday morning at the local school gymnasium. (BTW, we have another group starting up in a brothel in the Red Light district - we are calling it “Ladies and the Law”, after all, where else can you find a large group of men on Friday night?).

So now our little group has decided that we should come to the annual Sodom and Gomorrah Gay Pride Parade and Festival. After all, we are theologically conservative and culturally liberal, and you can’t get much more culturally liberal than Gay Pride Celebrations. And, this is Gay Pride month, and it has been given special status by our King (no not God, you fool – the REAL King – King Barack). Anyway, we felt that we should come down and show these people that God is Love and that there is no judgment or condemnation for their chosen lifestyles (did I say “chosen”, what I meant to say was their lifestyle that they were born into without any choice or responsibility of their own). And to show how much I value them as human beings, and support their right to marry, to have children (adopted of course), and to be viewed as equals - I have brought my own family with me - my significant other, and our two children – Adam and Eve. (I know, it’s cliché but give me a break, we were married while I was in Torah College). Adam is eight and Eve is six. They seem to be having a great time. I think it will be good for them to grow up in this “open” environment. Not like the repressive home where I was raised – oh, don’t get me started, my father didn’t want me to date until I was sixteen, and my mother had a fit if I even thought about staying out all night with friends. Thank God (or who/whatever you worship) that I am a recovering fundamentalist. I will not raise my children with those kind of rigid standards, no sir, they will be free to choose their own paths and make their own way in life. Yessiree bob, I am breaking those bonds.

Daily Blog 02: 10:41 am.

For the last several hours we have been handing out free water bottles that are emblazoned with the words “God is Love” right on the bottle. What better way to share God’s Truth with them than to participate with them in their celebration of LGBT-ishness? And besides, it gets really hot out here in the desert and these guys (I guess they are guys – not a judgment statement, just a question) are really working up a sweat as they “perform” on these floats and displays that are being pulled through town by the camels and donkeys. Although you would think that if they just sat and “waved” they would stay cooler, but they seem to be having a good time. I guess they love each other, at least they have a lot of passion.

Daily Blog 03: 12:54 pm.

I just had the nicest group of guys come by our booth. They were really interested in my kids, especially Adam. They asked me if it would be alright if they took him to some of the kiddie rides and games on the other end of the park. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or unkind, so I let him go with them. They promised to bring him back in a few minutes. I believe them. They are nice guys. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Daily Blog 04: 2:13 pm.

Boy, we are really going through the water bottles here. These people are so hot. What a great ministry idea! We have had hundreds of people take our water bottles and they obviously see that we love them and don’t judge them for their lifestyles and they can clearly read that “God is Love” right on the bottle. Of course, most of them just throw them away, but that’s OK.

Daily Blog 05: 3:58 pm.

I haven’t seen Adam yet. I am sure that he is having a good time.

Daily Blog 06: 4:25 pm.
There was this group of “fundies” who came in the park – they started handing out tracts with Torah passages on them, and then they started praying. People started getting angry and then a bunch of them started throwing things at these “fundies”. Finally, the authorities came and dragged those “fundies” out for causing a disturbance. I hope that our gay friends don’t think that we are like those people. We love them and care about them – we don’t judge them or attempt to impose our outdated values on them. I mean, what these people choose do in the privacy of their homes, or in public parks, or in public bathrooms, or on the major TV and cable networks, in the movies, and in our public schools, is none of my business.

Daily Blog 07: 6:46 pm.
Well, the parade and all the other events are wrapping up. Maybe we will stay and help pick up some of this trash. There sure is a lot of trash everywhere. I guess we should have put out more trash cans and recycle bins, after all, I am certain that these Sodomites care for the environment and wouldn’t willingly just trash the place. It’s the local government’s fault for not providing enough trash cans. That must be it.

Daily Blog 08: 08:19 pm.

Well, it’s getting really late and no sign of Adam. I guess I’ll go look for him. I’m sure he’s OK, after all, these are nice guys.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11  Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,  nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.